Category Archives: Links

“You’re a sick man, Joe. I mean really, really sick.”

One complaint I have with The Onion is that, like most modern purveyors of comedy, they overwrite their premise until it reaches the point of unfunnyness. Not so with this piece. It’s perfectly done and perfectly funny. If you happen to have a sense of humor as warped as mine.

Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes


For Guitarists Only?

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. I’d discuss why, but I don’t want to spoil it for you. Suffice it to say that I’m one of those folks who can’t live without the dots…

There Are No Dots!

From the Front Lines

I’ve long thought it might be fun to teach a Creative Writing class.

But after reading Tod Goldberg’s experiences, I’m not so sure.

And now I’m remembering what kind of student I was in Creative Writing. Ugh. I’ll start drafting letters of apology to my instructors today.

(Hat tip to Pete for the link)

If you knew where to look
She could bear contemplation
Her assets ain’t suffered
Because of inflation
Sure, sex meant a lot
I gave her my best shot
If I wasn’t so hot
Well, there must have been some books
that I could read

(via iTunes)

Coming Soon: Micro Monday

I’ve been following Pete Lit during his Tournament of Tunes, but something else he’s started doing this week has caught my eye – Micro Monday. Inspired by these folks, he’s going to post a 100-word-or-less fiction story every Monday. His first effort is here, and I rather enjoyed it – I liked it better than the posts on the site that inspired him (and in fairness, this could be because the latter is trying to make their stories exactly 100 words – which is more of a challenge, but is also asking for trouble).

So I’m going to give this a try, provided I can remember to do it. Mondays at White Moments will bring a brand-new Mr. Faust story of 100 words or less. We’ll see how things turn out, and how long I can stand to do it.

Meantime, if you want to join in the Micro Monday challenge, drop me a line… if I get enough links, I’ll open up a link box over there on the right and we’re meme-ify it.

Update 9/28/06: I’ve been doing it long enough I might as well say, “Drop the or less from 100 words or less. The first couple of stories came out to 100 words exactly, pretty much by coincidence. That inspired me. Now I work to get them all in at exactly 100 words. Enjoy.

Writer’s Wives b/w You Can’t Have Thomas Kinkade Without the Kink

They provide moral support, meals, backrubs, and research. Sometimes, it is rumored, they write their husband’s novels for them. Here’s an interesting article about the wives of writers. Apparently Writer’s Husbands are immune to this sort of thing. They’re barely mentioned.

Meantime, the Thomas Kinkade rabbit hole gets deeper and weirder. A few weeks ago when I posted a satirical bit about the dark period of The Overrated Painter of Light, it started as a joke. But you know how when you learn a new word and suddenly you see it everywhere? That’s what this has turned into.

I was just joking around when I said that Kinkade went through a dark period. C’mon, the guy paints fluff. That’s like saying Don Knotts went through a dark period when he starred in nothing but Bergman films. But now, as it turns out, Kinkade may actually be in a dark period as his empire of kitsch* shows the first signs of crumbling. Here are the details, in an article from the L.A. Times.

Hey, I didn’t ask for any of this. I just made it up.

If a yellow flag is fluttering
Sickly herald against the morn
Then you’ll know my courage has ended
And you’ll send your boat ashore

(via iPod Shuffle)

*To those who say Kinkade isn’t kitsch – the man authorized La-Z-Boy Recliners covered in fabric that featured a print of one of his paintings. If that ain’t kitsch, then I don’t know what is.

(And I respect Bill Watterson more than ever – for never, ever licensing out Calvin and Hobbes products. Those peeing Calvins you see mostly on the backs of pickup trucks? Bootlegs, all.)

The Truest Post on Writing Ever

Nick Kaufmann says it in just 37 words… not counting his headline, Being A Writer Is Stupid

(A big fat hat tip to Weirdwriter for this one… even the headline is his.)

Foreign Affairs

I was killing a little time by egosurfing, and I came across this review of my work from a German website. I ran it through Google’s translator to see what it was all about (“Faust” is the German word for “fist,” which the program translated literally):

Joe Clifford fist customer reviews

The books of the Joe Clifford fist have all together a completely certain Flair. It understands it to lead around the reader at the nose and to bring new idioms again and again in the Plot. Here one can know really only end the conclusion, what is now really before-pleased. That keeps the readers.

This gave me pause for thought. It was a long pause, and afterwards, I decided to try another translation site, with these results:

The books of the Joe Clifford fist have altogether one entirely conscience Flair. It understands it that readers to bring at the nose herumzuführen and again and again new turns in the Plot. Here one can know really first to the end, what now really before favor is. That holds the readers in the pole.

I hope this means they like my work.

For comparison, here is a translation of a blurb about the release of The Essence of Evil in Russia (italics theirs):

There appeared one additional book of American visionary- humourist, joe Of k. Faust (Joe Clifford Faust, 1957 -) from the trilogy “Angel’s Luck”. In this year already left two novels of cycle – “desperate measures” (“Desperate Measures”, 1989) and “precious load” (“Precious Cargo”, 1990). And here now steeled the turn of last part – “essence of evil” (“The Essence of Evil”, 1990).

Here is already truly “DEVILISH LUCK”! In vain named so his spaceship the desperate nezavisimyy merchant by captain James mey… Just barely miraculously rescued two civilizations – terrestrial and arkolianskuyu – from the intergalactic scandal. They just barely transferred respiration. And – THAT?! Coma, you will excuse, to the first after sending into the head clever idea it did drive in “corporations extract” soiled in the hold of the “devilish luck” of ampule with the essence of human personalities, corporations, strictly, and belonging? Who, will forgive, he managed it let go young copilot into the local bar, where it to sp’yanu produced SUCH, that also is thought terrifically?! Who, pardon finally generally let out from the field of the sight of arkoliantsa, from which eye and for the minute it was impossible it got down?! You dumayete – this already limit to everything? In vain you dumayete! Events only razvorachivayutsya… What? Read – and you uznayete!..

I like the fact that they think of me as an “American visionary-humorist,” but I can’t say the book will do all that well over there based on this description. No wonder the Cold War went on for so long.

Apparently automated translation technology still leaves something to be desired.