Here’s a little bit of lunacy that I wrote for the journal of my Last.fm account. I thought it was neglected and decided to give it a run here. Enjoy!
The Book of Daniels, Chapter 13
1. And lo, it came to pass that people called on the Lord.
2. And because of those souls that which would be lost to Satan were saved, Satan did miss his quota.
3. But Satan, being clever, sought to complete his quota through trickery, and he said unto himself,
4. “Self, I shall go into the world, and I shall bargain with men for their souls,
5. And they being a foolish and proud lot, shall seek to take the bargain, but fail, and so I shall steal their souls.”
6. And so Satan went down into a land of the south, a place where nuts and soft fruit grow on trees, a land through which a great general once marched.
7. It was there that he came upon a young man whose name was John who was of fair countenance. He was a musician of great talent, and he played a small harp which he tucked under his neck.
8. Lo, Satan approached John, and he said unto him,
9. “I would strike a bargain with you. It mayest not be known to you, but I play the harp tucked under my neck as well.”
10. Satan showed John his harp. Behold, it was made of precious metal and inset with valuable gems. Satan said, “I see that you are of great talent, but I say mine is greater.
11. I propose a contest, and if your talent proves greater, you shall take my harp,
12. but if my talent proves greater, I shall take your immortal soul.”
13. John said unto Satan, “May the Lord forgive my pride, but I accept this challenge. You shall regret this challenge, O Satan, for there has never been one with such talent as I!”
14. And lo, all the angels sang,
15. “Oh, John, preparest thyself and thine harp of the neck,
For lo, these lands have been stricken, and Satan, he is a cruel master,
And should you prevail, you shall take Satan’s harp of precious things,
But woe to you if you lose, for it shall cost you your soul!”
16. Now Satan produced his harp of the neck, and he spake unto John, saying, “I shall begin.”
17. And thus he began to play, and when he did, his fingers, they were as flames and the sound he produced was as a great caterwaul.
18. And lo, his underlings began to play, and it sounded thusly.
19. Now when Satan was finished, John said unto him,
20. “O, Prince of Darkness, you have shown yourself adequate in my eyes! Now may the Lord forgive my pride, but if you will seat yourself, I will shew thee the proper ways of the neck harp.”
21. And lo, John did then play a selection of popular music
22. And the music did enjoin the listener to flee from fire,
23. And accused Satan of divining by use of the stars and planets
24. And observed the behaviors of barnyard animals
25. And queried an elderly crone about the nature of her guardian beast, and a youth was assured that it was indeed tame.
26. Now when Satan heard John play, his countenance fell, for he knew that a mere man had bested him.
27. He fell on the ground and laid his precious instrument before John and did not look him in the eye.
28. And John said unto Satan,
29. “Fouler of nations! If you want to get back that which is precious to you, return to me at any time.
30. For verily, I have already told you, thou offspring of curs, that there has never been one with talent such as I!”